Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
