a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
