She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I stole a fireplace last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
MIDGETS
????
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
