I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Enjoy the penises
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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