I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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