I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
