Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
