Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We're too hungover to prance.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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