I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
