Nicole vs. Life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
