im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
