so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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