I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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