I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
