dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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