you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
