Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
