I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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