around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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