no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
