who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
