he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
