the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
