After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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