Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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