Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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