The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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