Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
