Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
