I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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