Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
