This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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