I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
