Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
