Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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