You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
