Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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