i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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