i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
please come you make the beer taste better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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