Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
