woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
