found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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