I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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