i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So squirting runs in the family.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
