Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
