thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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