K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
