They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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