And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
