Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
